Back!

I am consistently inconsistent in probably everything.

Mathematics

Life has never been worse than these very days, well not worse, but more boring. The negativities I have are showing their capabilities in ruining the life. You know things like having no guts to share my weaknesses, even though I know it will release some burdens that's I've been carrying around on my back. I never asked others to mountain my back with responsibilities, yet I'm not sure if I'm the one who made the decision to carry these loads.

I need to craft every smile on my face, which I know that it is not very healthy. And finding the materials is the hardest part. Now I'm having a bit of insomnia, and sleeping time often threatens me. I'd rather to fall asleep before I even know it. Future scares me to dead. And what, the dvds are all watched, can you believe that, it's freaking hundreds of films. Well I'm downloading a new one now.

World is a wonderful place as others say so, I agree, but it's also a fucking difficult place to live too. I mean, what's the point having it pretty then? Balance innit?

I reckon God's is sacrificing a person life for others, again, balance. I'm begging Him not to sacrifice my life, I love to live. Seriously.

Not good enough

Thoughts/creativities only show its best when everything else is in its right place. They will come to us when we have nothing to worry about. Not because of the pressure from the projects, nor our financial condition, or any other things. It will serve us when we're sitting comfortably with a blank paper and a piece of pencil on our desk. Bright thoughts are pure, and should only be accompanied with things that perfectly aligned with them, and a single problem will spoil everything.

With all due respect to my fellas, whom always believe in me sincerely, but I've been left by them long time ago. Hence none of things I've produced is good enough ever since. Well now I am currently begging them to come back to me.

I had seven faces
Thought I knew which one to wear
But I'm sick of spending these lonely nights
Training myself not to care
The subway is a porno
The pavements they are a mess
I know you've supported me for a long time
Somehow I'm not impressed

NYC - Interpol

Freakin', happy go lucky

Everyday we need to be reminded that sorrows will never do any good. Get your ass up and make the most of your life.

Work hard, play harder

believe me

This would be my ultimate advice, when you're close to a person, always have the worst assumption. As if he has a problem that only God can deal with it. If you can accept it then you're not wasting your time.

After all I remain as a super introvert guy

Again I will suggest that we shouldn't call someone an asshole, or coward, because we will never know what's inside their mind and heart. But yes you can do that if you understand him/her like f inside out. Except for some narcissists who are exploiting themselves through what we call social f networks. Well let's exclude them in this post. See, not a lot of people are able to show their actual selves, not even if they talk a lot. People who are scared of rejections, and alienations.

My big brother last day said that I should find a girlfriend so I can share my life. He will never get my answer because he's not a person whom I would share my private stories with. Not because I've got a problem with him, but I have this that makes me think millions freaking times before I move to the next step of this f life. For this one, I will keep it to myself and perhaps a few people in the future. 2/3 persons?

How to live a good life

I have some reasons to blame you about this life, but i have plenty more reasons to give thanks to you.

Much more

Life is spamming me with all the doubts about You, and the world's tempting me with all the wonders it has. But I will never leave You.

Take it easy

When there're things that turned out badly, do not blame yourself too hard. Especially when you knew you've done the best of yourself.

Ran away part 2

I worked my ass off so hard today just to distract my mind away. Xbox will be the next medium.

Ran away

Thanks for the laughs, I feel somewhat better.

Hitting the road

Yes I'm weary physically but I don't feel like to stop. Sadly it just has to.

How's the coffee there?

That is the question that I've been hearing a lot these days. I'm completely sober while writing this but yes I am quite sick of that question. And I also completely understand that it is none of my business if someone prefer to find so called good coffee rather than the ambience of the place. Even though, the combination of both will be splendid.

To me the conversation about coffee (on how good is this coffee shop or how awful is that coffee shop) is really boring and freaking corny. Especially here in Indonesia, where all the good coffee beans from. Toraja, Luwak, Aceh, Sumatra Mandheling, etc etc. Coffee is there to keep us awake, concentrate while working, accompanying us watching football, etc etc. So when we're hanging out with our good friends, why it is so important to find good coffees? Talking about the coffee, comparing with other coffee shop, what are we? journalists? Even more, we will be trying each other's beverages, showing our double thumbs up/down, throwing our opinion about the coffee we like, etc... Seriously, can't we talk something else?

See, what is more important is a comfortable place with a round table and our brain and heart fully filled with things we eagerly want to share to someone next to us, and of course with drinkable coffees.

Yeah that's right

Lately I've been hearing people whining a lot about their conditions, their works, their relationship. But people will always want something more and it will never cease, isn't it?

See, for everyone including myself, maybe would think that s/he's the one holding the record of being patient for this bad life, bad relationships, bad jobs. I'm here with my whines. What? This is my blog.

I'm 27 and I'm single. Living in Jakarta and I work by myself as a graphic designer. It's boring as hell. Most of my close friends are either married or having relationships.

So here is the daily routine.

In the morning I would drink a cup of black coffee to make sure I will be strong to face the day alone. Fully filled with various type of works that need to be done by myself. I can't even see the finish line for every project. Hard aye?

In the afternoon, I would have a rest, again I will have a cup of caffeinated drink while looking outside the windows. 'Crying' for a better life. Now I exaggerated it a little bit.

At night right after taking shower and dinner I would find the most depressive dvd to watch. The reason is that, perhaps I would be grateful with this boring life. You know if you compare my life with a person, suffering a lung cancer, having no money, having no one beside him, then I would say to myself "hey your life is not that bad, what's with the long face?" Then I would pray and go to sleep.

Weekend? Its no different. But I will deny every single bad thought I have in mind. F U life.

i can bear with "accidents"

Nobody should be called an asshole unless we can read them like an opened book. I like to observe people, how he reacts, how she behaves, but now I realised it just the cover of the book. No matter how sensitive I am. This thing crossed my brain when I realised that right now someone would think that I'm an asshole, but I accept it even though I know it's completely wrong. This is only a gentle suggestion I suppose.

Fight fight fight

It's almost a perfect day until the football game tonight. Did bunch of works, Modern Family series, nice chat with my sister, cleared taxation problems, etc. So I brought a new guy to the field, and it just took a game for him to argued with a friend, well more like a fight. I felt so bad as I'm a good friend of both of them. Emotion is the hardest thing to control, but fight is uncool for this modern time. The key is we gotta have a desire in our heart to be a better person each second, at least a man with class. And fight real hard for it. So really, a fight at a friendly football game? The second thing, you gotta admit if you're wrong, deep f inside, then you're a cool guy. I couldn't pick a side at that moment, but honestly I feel sorry for the new guy, he's a nice guy.

Anyways just to make it sounds square, I sweared too much today (atleast to myself), God I'm sorry.

Personal note: This was the first time I didn't score any goal tonight, nil. Darn.

of course darling

Thanks to the new technologies, especially twitter and facebook, for now we're always updated with the normalities and mediocrities.

top ten

I don't know much about music and am not trying to be pro, thus the songs I chose are just the ones that aligned very well to my ears. And also because its supported the moments and the situations I was in. Kinda bias but here we go.

1. Runaway - The National
2. Ambling Alp - Yeasayer
3. Melancholy Hill - Gorillaz
4. Laredo - Band of Horses
5. Walk in the Park - Beach House
6. World News - Local Natives
7. Hologram - These New Puritans
8. Excuses - The Morning Benders
9. White Sky - Vampire Weekend
10. Night and Day - Chief

Happy new year.

Golden

After all, I know life's not that bad. There are still people looking for me while I'm hating myself being such a passive person. I guess it's time for change, our minds are too powerful to destroy the whole unit of body, and soul. And I refused to do so. I'm expecting myself to be more creative for them in this new year.

I said to them I'm not picky, I said all I want is the right one even I have to suffer or being teased while searching, or even if I have to wait for ages. I'm right about this I suppose :)

Thanks for the accompany, can't ask for better people, hope you both will read this one day and realise how much I appreciate your attention.